The opportunities to find friends have never been greater than now. Every day there seems to be a new social networking website to explore. But there is a world of difference between a 'internet friend' and a 'real world' friend. I am not saying there is no substance to an internet friendship, its just that they are not tested over the internet. There are several problems with internet friendships:
1. The counterparty can control the perception you have of them
2. You dont see the annoying habits of the counterparty
3. The confidence of the counterparty might be bouyed by their online popularity, but does it translate into real world friendships.
I dont wish to portay the internet as a 'superficial' medium for finding friends, but I suggest its utility depends on you and your counterparty. If you talk 'fluff' you are likely to attract 'fluff'. If you talk about inspirational, goal-orientated topics, you might meet that type of person. But you still need to consider - Are they travelling at the same speed as you, are they as capable as you, and thus can you ultimately respect them.
There are certain things that I ultimately want to do when I am trying to make friends:
1. I want to describe myself with the greatest possible detail, so they 'get me'. I will be candid to ensure I carry credibility. You can get ideas about the type of things you should say by looking at other people's profiles.
2. I want to connect with people on the basis of shared experience or interests
3. I want to connect with goal-orientated people. It not good enough that people want to describe themselves. What is the point if they have no interest in connecting. Alas, a great many people are not so aspirational. Its not just about having friends. Anyone can have friends, you just have to lower your standards. Its about tossing old friends when you acquire new ones. This is not a betrayal of old friends. It was never supposed to be a prison sentence. You are dropping them because you found more meaningful, more rewarding relationships. This usually occurs because one friend is growing at a faster rate than another. One person is challenging themselves to a greater extent than another.
If you want to get the best possible friends I think you need to master the art of self-promotion. This is not about putting on airs of superiority, of pretending that your life is perfect. Its about being authentic, so people appreciate you for whom you are. They dont need to think you are perfect, they need to be able to relate to you because of shared experiences or values. The extent to which you are the same or complement each others goals is the extent to which you will find value in each others being.
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Andrew Sheldon www.sheldonthinks.com
1. The counterparty can control the perception you have of them
2. You dont see the annoying habits of the counterparty
3. The confidence of the counterparty might be bouyed by their online popularity, but does it translate into real world friendships.
I dont wish to portay the internet as a 'superficial' medium for finding friends, but I suggest its utility depends on you and your counterparty. If you talk 'fluff' you are likely to attract 'fluff'. If you talk about inspirational, goal-orientated topics, you might meet that type of person. But you still need to consider - Are they travelling at the same speed as you, are they as capable as you, and thus can you ultimately respect them.
There are certain things that I ultimately want to do when I am trying to make friends:
1. I want to describe myself with the greatest possible detail, so they 'get me'. I will be candid to ensure I carry credibility. You can get ideas about the type of things you should say by looking at other people's profiles.
2. I want to connect with people on the basis of shared experience or interests
3. I want to connect with goal-orientated people. It not good enough that people want to describe themselves. What is the point if they have no interest in connecting. Alas, a great many people are not so aspirational. Its not just about having friends. Anyone can have friends, you just have to lower your standards. Its about tossing old friends when you acquire new ones. This is not a betrayal of old friends. It was never supposed to be a prison sentence. You are dropping them because you found more meaningful, more rewarding relationships. This usually occurs because one friend is growing at a faster rate than another. One person is challenging themselves to a greater extent than another.
If you want to get the best possible friends I think you need to master the art of self-promotion. This is not about putting on airs of superiority, of pretending that your life is perfect. Its about being authentic, so people appreciate you for whom you are. They dont need to think you are perfect, they need to be able to relate to you because of shared experiences or values. The extent to which you are the same or complement each others goals is the extent to which you will find value in each others being.
------------------------------------------------
Andrew Sheldon www.sheldonthinks.com
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