Trust is a confidence in your capacity to judge your vulnerability in certain circumstances or in certain relationships. The argument is that people and circumstances can hurt us, so we should avoid them. I might be considered a child, but I have never really accepted that people can hurt me emotionally. I was always positive about myself, always trusted my judgement, always had a high regard for myself. So if there was any question of anyone being hurt, it was not going to be me. I was just so damn strong.
As it turns out though, being strong is not exactly the best source of defence. I have a very strong judgement. I could nail most people in a debate, and even more impressive is that, when I am wrong, I will willingly concede the point. This is a rare quality. Its so rare, and so important, that I think it was the fundamental reason for selecting my current girlfriend. The implication is that there is a respect for the facts of reality...that there is no value in faking your circumstances. Perceptions dont matter as much as respect for facts, and I'm not going to make myself vulnerable by engaging in delusions that are untrustworthy.
But I note that people do place their trust in others perceptions because they are supported by other people. Reality is secondary to other people's perceptions of them. For this reason, they think perceptions are king. And there is a certain practicality to this thinking, because the majority of people are distorted. Even people who see the distortion prefer to hang around with 'fakes' because they want to be practical. Its a dilemma for impractical people.
The practicality of faking reality is evident from:
1. Making and breaking friends
2. Buying and selling investments
For a great many years, people have been warning that the stock market is going to collapse. They were not wrong, its just that it took a few years before the distortion of people's reality did not hold water. The myth that inflation was beat, that growth could be sustained indefinitely by the Fed pulling a few levers was exposed as a fraud.
The same distortions can be evident in relationships if they are not founded on something that is real. Its only if its real can you trust it. Even if someone is real, but give way to temptations to be practical, I can still witness a change in values unfold, that I can see the slide in values, and if I am vigilent in my judgement, I can know when to refuse to make myself vulnerable. Thats the control we have. Though there is a tendency to loose perspective in a relationship, and accommodate the person. To see virtue in sacrifice, patience, tolerance. This is not helping your friend, its enabling them by giving them your tacit approval. The best way to deal with these issues is to remain engaged in the relationship, but to give it some space, so you are less vulnerable, and have improved perspective.
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Andrew Sheldon www.sheldonthinks.com
As it turns out though, being strong is not exactly the best source of defence. I have a very strong judgement. I could nail most people in a debate, and even more impressive is that, when I am wrong, I will willingly concede the point. This is a rare quality. Its so rare, and so important, that I think it was the fundamental reason for selecting my current girlfriend. The implication is that there is a respect for the facts of reality...that there is no value in faking your circumstances. Perceptions dont matter as much as respect for facts, and I'm not going to make myself vulnerable by engaging in delusions that are untrustworthy.
But I note that people do place their trust in others perceptions because they are supported by other people. Reality is secondary to other people's perceptions of them. For this reason, they think perceptions are king. And there is a certain practicality to this thinking, because the majority of people are distorted. Even people who see the distortion prefer to hang around with 'fakes' because they want to be practical. Its a dilemma for impractical people.
The practicality of faking reality is evident from:
1. Making and breaking friends
2. Buying and selling investments
For a great many years, people have been warning that the stock market is going to collapse. They were not wrong, its just that it took a few years before the distortion of people's reality did not hold water. The myth that inflation was beat, that growth could be sustained indefinitely by the Fed pulling a few levers was exposed as a fraud.
The same distortions can be evident in relationships if they are not founded on something that is real. Its only if its real can you trust it. Even if someone is real, but give way to temptations to be practical, I can still witness a change in values unfold, that I can see the slide in values, and if I am vigilent in my judgement, I can know when to refuse to make myself vulnerable. Thats the control we have. Though there is a tendency to loose perspective in a relationship, and accommodate the person. To see virtue in sacrifice, patience, tolerance. This is not helping your friend, its enabling them by giving them your tacit approval. The best way to deal with these issues is to remain engaged in the relationship, but to give it some space, so you are less vulnerable, and have improved perspective.
-----------------------------------------------
Andrew Sheldon www.sheldonthinks.com
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