Which online dating forums are the best?

I think the best online dating forums are the ones that have themes unrelated to 'personal relationships'. I think there is little reason why you should be paying to advertise your profile on some blog when there are so many social networking web databases which allow you to set up free webpages. Strategies you should consider:
1. Identify your greatest passions
2. Look for the social networking sites that list interests pertinent to yours
3. Use specific aspects of your interest as a keyword and search for partners in your age group

If you dont find any interesting points of contact - dont despair - you can either broaden your criteria, try a different interest to keyword search, or try a different website. You dont need to approach people as if you want to start a relationship...just keep chatting until one person stops. If they dont respond, email them back, and ask them why.
I actually stopped contacting my current GF because I perceived her religious beliefs as an obstacle. Now I recognise that she has a healthy skepticism.
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Andrew Sheldon www.sheldonthinks.com

Is dating online safe?

I have dated alot of people online and I think its by far the best way to relate to people. When I take on a purpose (like dating), I tend to launch myself into it. Thats fine, but I would advice against engaging in dialogue with too many people as you will tend to treat them as a commodity. You will also convey the message that they are a 'commodity' because you will be mixing up people, calling them by the wrong name. They will of course think the worst. If they are an attractive 'prospect' you might blow an opportunity early. Thats not to say you cant turn the situation around, but people are very cynical at first. My choice is to talk to 4 until I have enough information to eliminate some. I will tend to meet the final candidate if they dont have any attributes that dont break my list.
People tend to think online dating is risky...seemingly because its anonymous. That might be true for children who cannot see the age of the counterparty, but for adults I think its easy to judge. Here are some tips:
1. Dont give out personal address info - where you work, live, etc
2. Meet in a public at first
3. Ask probing questions without being cynical or judgemental.
4. Chat in a combination of text and voice mode to gauge the authenticity of the counterparty. Its easier for a counterparty to contrive an artificial story if your correspondence is by email than if by other modes. Chat with Internet Messenger (Gmail, Yahoo, etc) is best because it saves a record of your conversations.
5. Read over your conversations with your counterparty with the intent of doing a sublte integrity check. Anyone that is not accountable for what they say likely has a vulnerability or insecurity that should be explored.
6. Remain engaged, by emapthetic and not to fast to judge.
7. Keep a positive and humoress tone to your dialogue.

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Andrew Sheldon www.sheldonthinks.com

Why search for partners online?

Online dating need not be a contrived event where you seek out a romantic partner. I met my partner online. I was looking for a partner, but I would have been just as happy looking for a friend. My counterpartner was looking for investment advice. There is no shame in either approach, though you will be perceived as 'needy' if your thinking is polarised by the goal to find a partner, because they will perceive you as filling a void. Is there anything wrong with that? That depends. If you are looking for a partner who embodies your deepest values - great! If you are looking indiscrimately for anyone, thats bad! No real value is achieved through indiscriminate action.
The great positives about online dating are:
1. Wide audience: You could never hope to reach a greater audience without even uttering a word. People that offer little information in their blog are really wasting time and its a significant opportunity cost. People will say that there is a risk in placing too much information online, but risk is managed, not avoided.
2. Wide choice: You are not a passive influence on the process. You can pick people as well. People will say that 'all guys I meet online are only interested in sex'. Yeh. I was won of them until I met a girl I respected. Be the type of person someone desires, and you stop being just a sexual object. When you earn respect you get treated differently. Go in judging without engaging in any meaningful dialogue and you remain an object.
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Andrew Sheldon www.sheldonthinks.com

How to find a partner?

The best way to find a partner is to identify the values that are important to you. If you are not sure what values are are important, you can identify them by looking at your emotional response to events and people. You will see a pattern in the activities you pursue, the things you dislike. Generally the stronger the feeling, the more fundamental the value being expressed, appreciated or repudiated. But it also depends on the context, on the significance of the event or person to you.
There is no question that you will find more compatible partners if you know yourself, so invest time in understanding yourself more. The best way of learning more about yourself is to read the types of books that discuss personal development issues. It might be psychology, philosophy or self improvement books. More important than reading is reflecting on what one has read, to the point of critically appraising it. Ask yourslef is there another possibility that might explain the events in your life.
I believe we should never substitute our personal experience for others because people have a dreadful habit of making flaws. If you accept others interpretation of events, you are dropping the context, that is other pertinent information not conveyed that is important to rendering the judgement.
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Andrew Sheldon www.sheldonthinks.com

Internet relationships

I recently read a statistic that suggested that 1 in 8 people develop a relationship from the internet. Its amazing how scornful or cynical people can be about meeting others on the internet. Really I think there is no better way of meeting people if you use the medium in the correct fashion. Here are several tips:
1. Universal tips
a. Know thyself – You can’t sell yourself unless you know yourself
b. Know what you want – right down a list of core & non-core attributes you want in a girl, and expect to be surprised
c. Experience – Expect to have a number of GF/BFs before you settle. Unless you have some pretty amazing role models around you, most of us have lax standards because we just don’t hang around inspirational people. I think when your learning curve starts flattening out you can start thinking about getting serious. I would suggest partnering with people from different countries. It broadens the mind.
d. Engaging – Don’t be too quick to cross people off your list. Don’t dismiss people because they don’t have an attribute you want, explore whether they acknowledge it, whether they are prepared to change. You might serve each other that way.
e. Purposeful – Both partners need to be value-driven rather than safety-driven, otherwise one of you will loose interest
f. Analyse – I think you have to ask the hard questions if you want to really understand people. If they are defensive, and are turned off, that is useful information.
g. Constraints – Don’t place any location or arbitrary constraints on a relationship from the start. You might think you don’t want a GF in another country, but don’t close off opportunities until you know more. You might change your mind if she were special enough. You will be surprised how your lives will mesh or how interesting your life could become if you make a change.
h. Partners – You are looking for a partner who serves every aspect of your life. If they are in anyway holding you back, negotiate to resolve those issues. It’s a risk-reward assessment whether you break up. Are they worth it?

2. Internet tips
a. Use dynamic modes of communication because they don’t give the counterparty the opportunity to think answers out beforehand, and you have a chat history that you can search (on Google mail)
b. Integrity check – review your chat dialogue with your counterparty to determine if they have integrity. If you stop any inconsistencies
c. Disclosure – Don’t disclose personal details that would allow a person to determine your personal address. Search for your name on the popular search engines to check whether your details are listed.

My experience was really positive aside from the fact that I ended up talking to this girl 7 hours a day and neglected my work, so lost a lot of money. She was not exactly the type of girl I expected but I persisted because I saw some very strong points. I think the internet is a powerful match-making medium if you use it the right way. I read profiles to determine the qualities that I liked and disliked, which allowed others to find me, or me to find them.