The other way to pose this question is - How do you know when to settle with a partner? The answer to this question will partially reflect the issues I have drawn upon in the previous posting.
1. Diminishing returns: Otherwise stated - you need to ensure you have had adequate life and in particular intimate relationship experience. If you are on a growth part, then each relationship should be demanding a different part of you, and when you sense a diminishing sense of 'discovery' in new relationships, its fair to say that you are ready to settle.
2. Financial preparedness: I personally dont see the need for getting married unless there is a financial incentive like a tax rebate. Its a person issue but I'm not interested in a government sanction of my relationships, though I would be more inclined to get married if I had children. If 'settling' means having children, then you would need to give some thought to adequate finances to raise children.
3. Growth attributes: There is no question in my mind that life entails growth in every facet of life, and our relationships are no exception. It is therefore important that your partner embraces growth as you do. I also dont think to safe people is a stable relationship because one is bound to seek 'growth' lest they become bored. The question is likely to become 'constructive growth' (self improvement) or 'destructive' partner deception (extra-marital affairs).
4. Compatibility test: There needs to be a great many fundamental attributes upon which you agree. I have found that character attributes are the most important, and people that give primacy to how a person smells are really adopting the philosophy of a mindless primate with exponentially fewer neuron connections. If you agree on the fundamentals, of which a respect for objectivity needs to be among them, I believe you can debate or resolve the rest to a point of satisfaction and mutual respect. Over time you can establish confidence in the relationship by establishing a good track record of resolving differences. Sadly alot of partners evade discussion such important issues. Clearly poor communication skills are an obstacle to reconciling your values to establish your compatibility.
5. Complementary test: There are also those ways in which you are different, though I would argue those differences need to be points of respect, not points of division. For example, my GF impresses me with her ability to execute, for me its my capacity to think. We complement each other in that respect, so itsa a point of mutual respect.
6. People Awareness: You need to know yourself and people well enough to make informed judgements about people. I have met people who have a totally misguided understanding of other people. eg. A person helps another person. They interpret it as altruism, I see a selfish motive. Nothing wrong with selfish if its honest and transparent, but in this case there was evidence of manipulation.
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Andrew Sheldon www.sheldonthinks.com
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
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1 comment:
actually found mr right so you have to write something like "what to do when you have found mr right" and how to make him make u mrs right...
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