How do you find Mr or Mrs Right

Reading a blog on JapanForum.com a girl was asking "How do you know when you have found Mr Right". This is a question that most people go through. But I want to pose another question first - "How do you find the right partner" - whether boyfriend or girlfriend.
I think there are 4 great obstacles to finding Mr or Ms Right (or Mrs for the really hard up). These obstacles are:
1. Rash judgements: Quick judgements by people can be a problem for people who are inclined to lack self-esteem because they need the relationship more than they actually identify with the person. That is a problem because they are not going to be respected by anyone healthy, and they are likely to be abused or under-challenged by anyone unhealthy. Mind you - they can be opportunities for learning. People also make rash judgements in the sense that there standards are too high, or more correctly their perspective is too narrow. Its true that you can make legitimate quick decisions about a person because they possess a fundamental character flaw, but generally there is no reason for such rashness. There is a context in which certain behaviour you might observe is understandable or appropriate. The reality is that no one is deeply hurt by making rash judgements unless they display a deep-seated tendency for doing so. The reasons they might do that are: (i) they rationalise that they have high standards, (ii) they are so insecure that they need to put others down to elevate themselves or (iii) They might have very narrow concepts of whom they might want to associate, and often these are materialistic drives.
2. Lack of self awareness: People dont know themselves have little ability to sell themselves in any way that would draw the interest of others. The implication of not knowing your value is that you dont feel special and you dont carry your head high. The greatest obstacle to self awareness is a lack of support from family, friends or teachers. Such encouragement can be a powerful motivator in directing people towards goals if it has any sense of reality. Not feeling special makes people feel that they can't differentiate themselves in the 'relationship market', in which case they will come to see themselves as 'common', and this will affect their partner choices. They are inclined to become a 'price taker' and then once in a relationship they are inclined to suddenly develop 'standards of value, after a period of tolerance or curiosity, then they are inclined to dump the partner in favour of a more promising prospect.
3. Lack of a strategy: You might ask whether meeting people has to be so contrived that you need to have a strategy. Well, you dont want to meet just anyone. If you suffer from any of the latter issues, you might be inclined to settle for too little in partners. Having a strategy helps you target 'your type of people'. It need not prevent you from seeking relationships elsewhere, or in fact acting without regard for a partner. Your strategy need not be complex, but I would suggest the 'originality' might in fact differentiate you from others. But then again dont be weird!
4. Lack of objectivity: I have found that a great many people have a high sense of vulnerability or hype-sensitivity to value judgements or criticism, and thus feel inclined to reject the messager. The problem with doing this is that it can demonstrate no sense of (objective) reality, and it invalidates the person making the criticism. Critical thinking is erroneously regarded as vindicative, when in fact its just honest observation. People should be validated for making it, and the targets of it should be willing to accept that they are not perfect, and be willing to engage with people, to at least establish who is misguided. This is a fundamental philosophical flaw in relationships that leads to manipulation and stagnation in relationships. Relationships are not a static thing, you need to grow them or people lose interest or respect for the counter-party. Life is about growth. A relationship is based on 'preserving security' its destined to die, unless both partners embrace a 'living death'. The greatest obstacle to objectivity is a thought process that places others opinions above one's own judgement. People that do that tend not to filter input with any rational process. Instead its a fight-or-flight response.
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Andrew Sheldon www.sheldonthinks.com