Thursday, October 25, 2007

Internet relationships

I recently read a statistic that suggested that 1 in 8 people develop a relationship from the internet. Its amazing how scornful or cynical people can be about meeting others on the internet. Really I think there is no better way of meeting people if you use the medium in the correct fashion. Here are several tips:
1. Universal tips
a. Know thyself – You can’t sell yourself unless you know yourself
b. Know what you want – right down a list of core & non-core attributes you want in a girl, and expect to be surprised
c. Experience – Expect to have a number of GF/BFs before you settle. Unless you have some pretty amazing role models around you, most of us have lax standards because we just don’t hang around inspirational people. I think when your learning curve starts flattening out you can start thinking about getting serious. I would suggest partnering with people from different countries. It broadens the mind.
d. Engaging – Don’t be too quick to cross people off your list. Don’t dismiss people because they don’t have an attribute you want, explore whether they acknowledge it, whether they are prepared to change. You might serve each other that way.
e. Purposeful – Both partners need to be value-driven rather than safety-driven, otherwise one of you will loose interest
f. Analyse – I think you have to ask the hard questions if you want to really understand people. If they are defensive, and are turned off, that is useful information.
g. Constraints – Don’t place any location or arbitrary constraints on a relationship from the start. You might think you don’t want a GF in another country, but don’t close off opportunities until you know more. You might change your mind if she were special enough. You will be surprised how your lives will mesh or how interesting your life could become if you make a change.
h. Partners – You are looking for a partner who serves every aspect of your life. If they are in anyway holding you back, negotiate to resolve those issues. It’s a risk-reward assessment whether you break up. Are they worth it?

2. Internet tips
a. Use dynamic modes of communication because they don’t give the counterparty the opportunity to think answers out beforehand, and you have a chat history that you can search (on Google mail)
b. Integrity check – review your chat dialogue with your counterparty to determine if they have integrity. If you stop any inconsistencies
c. Disclosure – Don’t disclose personal details that would allow a person to determine your personal address. Search for your name on the popular search engines to check whether your details are listed.

My experience was really positive aside from the fact that I ended up talking to this girl 7 hours a day and neglected my work, so lost a lot of money. She was not exactly the type of girl I expected but I persisted because I saw some very strong points. I think the internet is a powerful match-making medium if you use it the right way. I read profiles to determine the qualities that I liked and disliked, which allowed others to find me, or me to find them.